Friday, 27 April 2018

Rahmhotep (Collab with RubyChao)

Allegio’s first words when they step off the boat were “Don't touch anything.”

The Astral Knight’s metallic white armour pops against the muted browns and greens of the huge space he stands in, and his form towers over the dock workers that bustle around him. His blank visor swept across the crowds that jostled under the high-vaulted ceilings. Behind them, long golden boats float in a pool of crystal blue water. The air is thick with noise and heat and shouting in many different languages.

“Don't touch anything,” Allegio repeats. “Don't speak to anyone you don’t have to, watch your money and don't get under my feet.”

“Awww, but-” The complainer was the younger of the pair, apprentice reporter Cirral Lampyridae. While her voice sounded annoyed, her expression made it clear she was still highly fascinated by the visit they’d been given. But even a complaint in jest was too much, if the gaze of her mentor Kennedy Wilson was anything to go by. A simple look was enough to get Cirral to cut her sentence off.

“Right. We’ll take notes and watch, and that’s it.” Kennedy replied. Next to him, Cirral straightens up. “Yeah, I understand! This’ll be enough for ten articles even without anything extra!”

“Good. I won't have to babysit you again.” Allegio's wings clinm against his armour as he moves towards the exit of the docks. People make way for him - colliding with a ten foot tall suit of armour tends to ruin one’s day. “Come on, then.”

As the trio leave the port building, they see the following in rapid succession. 

The crowds of people, even more intense than inside, pushing and shouting in the heat. Beyond them, the river, enormously wide with fat sailboats cruising on its waters in a strange mirror of the land traffic. Beyond even that, a shock of greenery, with white towers and monuments stabbing towards the cloudless sky. And in the far, far, horizon…

“You get used to it.” Allegio nods his head at the colossal figurehead, facing away from them and made translucent by distance. “A reminder that Rahmhotep is a holmwessel. A World boat, if you're taking notes already.”

Both of the reporters have been taking plenty of notes, alternating between scribbling down various shorthands, sketches for reference in Cirral’s case, and simply looking at the surroundings. This, though, is enough to give them both pause. After a minute to simply take in the appearance of the enormous vessel, Kennedy resumes writing about the worldboat, but Cirral spends a minute longer looking at it.

“It’s called a worldboat, and it’s that large… Is it self-sufficient? How much does it interact with the other vessels? Who does the figurehead represent?” Questions are already written on her notepad, just waiting for more answers.

“That's far too many questions at once. One moment.” A small haggle of people have gathered near them, watching them like hawks. Allegio stabs an ivory finger at one.

“Ikit um Hussel?”

His target, an olive-skinned man who appeared to resemble a dehydrated date, nods. “Hussel, ish! Di munet minin! Knight hushi, ish?”

“Ish.” Allegio turns. “I have secured transportation. I will answer your questions as we go. The answer to the first one is no, by the way.”

“Huh.” It’s very clear that the answer just raised more questions in Cirral’s mind, but she simply confines herself to waiting for the remaining answers. One at a time appears to be the order of the day, and she marks down a quick “no.” Kennedy writes a few lines about the man’s appearance, before catching Allegio’s attention. “If you could, please pass on our thanks for the transportation.”

“Thank me in gold, kopani!” comez the man's enthusiastic shout before Allegio could respond. He leads them down to an open-topped carriage that looks as if it been through, if not a war, then at least a small border skirmish. “I speak many languages very badly! Sometimes I think my Rham is getting worse every day, ish?”

Allegio steps into the back of the carriage with a squeak of axle. It is harnessed to something that looks like cross between a cow and a lizard, in dark green. It grunts as they set off.

Kennedy smiled a bit to himself - while it was quite the surprise that the driver understood him, it might make asking a few other questions easier. One at a time, of course. Cirral was too busy pressing her face to the side of the carriage, looking out on the city itself as they head towards their destination. Allegio could notice she did some more sketching, including a couple reproductions of the buildings they’ve seen that caught her eye most of all.

Kennedy, however, took only the occasional glance outside the carriage, more focused on the transport itself and the unfamiliar beast - but when one has been reporting on the Kobbers for months, the strange creatures of elsewhere become an interesting two paragraphs in a future article, rather than a show-stopping end to the day. After making a few preliminary notes on it, he leaned forward and coughed to get the driver’s attention. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been in the business?”

“Fifty-three years of our God-Queen’s reign, bless her soul!” The driver smiles as he coaxes the carriage through the streets. People part around it, not giving the passengers a second glance. “My son, he’s also a driver, and my grandson, he wants to be a priest. I tell him no, no, priests don’t get paid like we do, but he has a big head full of ambition! Wants to move up in the world!”

As they rattle on, the streets narrow and the buildings grow taller, wildly jutting like broken teeth. The noises of ships being docked and the stink of fish is surpassed by the thick stink of spices and the rattling of cookware.

“Mmmm…” Cirral sits back, simply taking in the smell of the market - much more pleasant now, certainly. She looks around, trying to make out who’s selling what, and pondering if they can perhaps try some on the way back. Exotic foods are part of the tour, right? 

Kennedy, meanwhile, listens to the driver, one particular line catching his interest. “Fifty-three years… quite the reign. Could you tell me a little more about the God-Queen? I’ve heard of her, of course, but I don’t know much myself.” He looks over to Allegio, checking to see if the Knight is going to cut him off or let him pry into this topic.

“Ah, the Queen, she lives in all of us, yes?” The driver jabs a thumb at the prow of the Worldship, still visible over the rooftops. “She built this boat, she sails it through the stars, she provides for us… nothing she can’t do! You find yourself a children's history book, it tells you everything a Rahm knows.”

Allegio doesn't have a face, but he manages to give Kennedy a Look anyway.

“You’re foreigners, ish?” The driver smiles. “Stay a while! This is a good place to visit. Old Pakat - that’s me - knows where all the good places are. Stay out of the tourist traps! Ramhotehp is a good place. It’s cheap to live here, don’t need to struggle!”

The Look is enough to give Kennedy the signal, and he silently decides asking the driver more about the Queen would not be the best option. Instead, he simply nods. “Foreigners, yes. Franzika is truly fascinating when you see it for the first time.” “Heyyy, you know where the good places are, right?” Cirral asks. “Does that include places to eat? Because I’m ready for lunch!” The junior reporter certainly looks interested in the conversation, even as she keeps stealing glances at the worldship. Its size alone would be imposing, but the implications of its culture, even from afar, are more than enough to keep someone curious wondering as they get closer.

“Hey, no problem, kopani!” Pakat pulls the wagon to a halt outside of a stall, and delivers a rapid sentence of Rahm to the woman working there. She nods and vanishes behind a series of  steaming pans for a minute, then re-emerges with two sets of skewers bedecked in meat and multicolored vegetables, wrapped in paper. Money changes hands, and two greasy parcels of warmth are passed to the reporters.

“There you go! Finest ikama, very spicy! Traditional here if you’re a driver like me! Also, you owe me double, hahaha!”

Allegio makes a noise like a door creaking shut.

“...I’ll cover it.” Cirral comments sheepishly, before starting in on her lunch. Finding it spicy, yet not too much, and with a good mix of meat and vegetables, she eagerly begins to scarf it down - at least it’s worth the money! The flavors mix well, and she’s pretty quickly devoured the entire thing. She’s definitely not going to ask for more. 

Kennedy, meanwhile, works on making his lunch last, taking the occasional bite as he watches the city go by. Deciding to avoid any sensitive topics for now, he writes a bit about the ikama, watching Pakat’s skill with the carriage and the continued progress throughout the city. A carriage’s-eye view is definitely a better way to get a look than walking, considering how much more room they have to take notes and simply observe. “It’s worth the money. You have good taste, Pakat. Is this a more traditional meal?”

“Yes! Easy food to make, you know? Made by soldiers out on long desert trips when they took whatever they could from the land. Best way to make the food go far!”

The carriage turns a corner. Here, the jagged line of the buildings breaks - a pile of rubble punctuates the row on the right, with logs sticking out like broken bones. A crowd hovers nervously as forms move amongst the rubble, clad in white with golden bangles draped over their necks and arms.

“Hey hey hey, this is no good…” Pakat pulls the carriage to a stop, eyes squinting as he spies someone in the crowd. “Illah! What happened?”

A woman, head wrapped in a thin scarf and clad in a bright purple robe, turns to Pakat. Her face is prematurely aged by worry. “Oh, it’s terrible, Pakat! Bulah, he owed money and he couldn’t pay! Now the priests have evicted him!”

Pakat tuts, shaking his head. “Ahh, should not have taken up gambling. The Franzikan games, they are demon’s work. Where is he staying?”

As their driver continues his conversation, one of the white figures stands up fully, and Cirral and Kennedy realise he is dead. Half of a skull peers out from between the linen wrap.

They say it’s rude to stare, even if you’re a reporter. That’s why Kennedy spent years working on how to stare at someone without making it obvious. Now’s the perfect time for it, as he keeps unobtrusively watching the dead figure and its actions, talking to Pakat at the same time. “I’ll steer well clear of them while I’m here. I’m curious, though - is it normal to demolish the building?”

Cirral, on the other hand, knows she can’t make it look as natural as Kennedy yet. She also knows that if she asks someone too openly, she might step in a pothole - with how natural everyone’s treating them, it could come off as anywhere from rude to disrespectful. So instead, she slides closer to Allegio and asks him quietly. “That guy’s dead. Is he supposed to be? It looks like it, but it still feels odd.”

“Normal if you cannot pay rent, or if your house catch fire.” Pakat’s eyes are still fixed on the building. “Easier to knock it down and rebuild here, especially if the priests want a new shrine there instead. Not much you can do about it. Just keep head down and pay.”

Allegio, in response to Cirral’s whispering, inclines his head. “Necromancy is common here.”

Keep your head down… well, it’s clear to Kennedy that the priests are very important here, and very much not to be trifled with. He makes a note to be careful if they run into any. Deciding not to question the system for now, he nods. “Unfortunate for his business, then. I suppose- hmm?”

The crowds part.

Atop them, like the crest of a wave, is a golden platform. On that platform is a bed of red silk, and on top of that is an impossibly beautiful young woman draped in thin purple veils. Her eyes transfix straight ahead of her. She is motionless, but around her bustle white forms like overworked ghosts. These ones are in clean wrappings. Golden masks grant them peaceful blank expressions as they delicately peel fruit to push past the woman's lips. More white surrounds the platform itself - mummies in golden armor, hefting the palanquin with a mechanical stamp of feet.

Pakat, muttering under his breath, backs the carriage up and out of the way. Allegio leans back until his upper torso is in the shade of the building next to them.

The two reporters, meanwhile, are not prepared in the slightest. Before either Kennedy or Cirral is really aware of it, they’re staring at the woman sitting on the platform, pens and pads forgotten as neither one makes a move to act, simply taking the scene in as the procession continues on its way. Kennedy registers somewhere that the mummies here are clearly far more important than the ones from earlier, but for now he’s mostly content to keep gazing at the otherworldly figure. As far as Allegio and Pakat can tell, the two of them are happy to just keep standing there until she finishes passing through. 

There's a shout. A thick man, face ruddy and a bottle in one hand, staggers in the way of the procession. He raises the bottle, and the reporters catch a glimpse of fire at the mouth of it. Someone shouts a name - Bulah. The recently homeless man.

A mummy steps forth, sweeps a long curved sword. The man drops and is lost amongst the tide of stamping wrapped legs. When they pass over, the body is gone. The beautiful woman on top has not moved an inch, staring into oblivion.

Pakat winces.

“Ai, Bulah,” he mutters. “Bad way to go.”

Watching the man be felled by the mummies is more than enough to knock both of the reporters back into reality. Cirral now looks a little queasy at the sight, but she’s already beginning to take notes on the mummies and their importance… although she steers clear of taking notes on the woman herself. A small voice at the back of her head tells her that might not be the best idea. Kennedy, on the other hand, shakes his head. It’s not the first time he’s seen a death in the field. Stepping back, he asks Allegio one simple question, still looking at the woman but no longer transfixed by her.

“Is that the Queen?”

“No.” Allegio's voice is a low rumble. “Though somewhere in that empty head might think so.”

Pakat grumbles and goads the carriage forwards. “Apologies, my friends. I chose a bad route today. I'll take you by the river, yes? Less rich people there. More fun! You can see the crocodiles.”

“...Yes. Yes, I think that’d be a good idea.” Kennedy replies. “Come on, Cirral.”

“You’re right!” Cirral responds, but her voice is still a little shaky. Now’s just not the time to mention why, is all. 

The carriage sets off. Allegio leans back in his chair and thinks, blank helmet staring ahead as the noise of the city washes over him.

Sunday, 22 April 2018

Richard

CONTENT WARNING - BLOOD, VIOLENCE

"Hi, it's Stacy! I think I have got your delivery by mistake. I'm home in a few hours, can you drop by then? It's on the corner of 5th and Wesson. And, uh, don't make much noise - the neighbours will be asleep. Thanks! Bye!"

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Titanomachy

"So what do we do?"

The question hung amongst the smoke of the dim boardroom. It had come from someone Mark Yale didn't know. Nobody knew everyone on the board, after all.

"Well, we can't do anything." Mark Yale didn't know this man either, but hated him instantly. "Two ventures in, two disasters out. Sure, we picked them up for cheap afterwards, but its not like we can do anything with them."

"We have to do something." This was Elizabeth Mills, VP of Urban Development. She was technically not on the board, but she was sitting in the seat of someone who was. They couldn't be here on account of a fall from the top of a skyscraper. She'd been happy to accept the promotion.

"We can't sit idle." Her voice was sharp. Yale couldn't see her, but could imagine the tight set of her jaw. "There are too many opportunities. We have room for -"

"We don't, that's the problem. Those damn freaks are in the way, thinking they own everything and that they make the rules. Nobody can go there whilst those people are alive."

Yale began to tune out. Nobody was saying anything new. Nobody had a solution. It irritated him beyond all belief.

It was, as always, a question of a Second Beanstalk. Yale didn't know where or when it had started, but it had become the gospel of the Consortium. The first beanstalk, the perfectly good space elevator they had in New Angeles, was not enough. They needed a Second Beanstalk. The Sub-Saharan League were building a Second Beanstalk. When was the Second Beanstalk?

It was a terrible name and he hated it. He wanted this all over and done with. He wanted to go home and drink his whiskey and think of advertising slogans and new ways to make stupid people give him their money. He didn't want to hear the words "Second Beanstalk" or "Kobber" or "we have to do something" ever again. But here he was.

"Any ideas, Yale?"

They hated him because he'd funded Jenkins on her own wild goose chase. But he'd only given her the money. She'd been the one to spend it like an idiot. And where was she now? Nobody knew. Well, he didn't.

They were looking at him. He thought frantically.

"...We have four corporations that can't go into the other world," he said. An idea was dancing towards him. "They're all using technology from the same benefactor. That means we've done the same thing twice. The feds don't know we're doing any of this. But the man on the street doesn't know either, right?"

"Only what Runners might leak out, and not even then sometimes."

Mark didn't know that voice either, but he didn't care. He had the idea. "That means, to them, we can say anything. We don't have to tell them anything about the Kobbers or the past attempts. If they know nothing, and none of us can apparently do anything, then whatever we do makes us the first. It doesn't matter that there have been two failed attempts. We can do whatever we like."

"Like what?"

Yale turned to look at Elizabeth. "Miss Mills, you visited that place once. What's it like?"

Elizabeth blinked. "Uhm, it's tropical. The air's unfiltered, it's like the simulations but more real - "

Mark Yale snapped his fingers, pointed at her and grinned.

---

Mister Stone lit a cigarette. under the cover of the awning. Old habits died hard. Around him, people and androids bustled. He could smell kebabs and oil. He looked up at the scant few real ads left in this part of New Angeles - most people had moved on to the eye implants now, implants he couldn't risk having. He missed billboards.

One of them caught his eye. It was a tropical beach. A man and woman had taken off their rebreather masks and were smiling in the sun. The colors were impossible. The advert said:

"KUWAHAWI
It's More Real"

Mister Stone sighed. The things they tried to sell you, nowadays.

Monday, 26 February 2018

Cleaner

"Frank."

Frank opened his eyes. His pupils adjusted to the dim light with a faint whirr. He looked down and saw a short, rotund man lying face-down on the floor of the dingy apartment. The First Directive activated and he knelt down to inspect the body, pressing two cold fingers to the neck.

"He's dead," Frank said. His First Directive twinged.

"I know. You need to move the body."

Frank knelt further and scooped the crumpled form up in his arms, then hefted it over a broad shoulder. A card dropped out of the body's jacket pocket, and Frank's glass retinas scanned a name - Ken Wilson - before it hit the ground.

"I'll take care of that."

Frank nodded and went out of the back door of the apartment onto the tiny balcony. It was raining in New Angeles. Most people were asleep now, or at their night shifts. Nobody was watching in the tower complex opposite, and nobody was on the street below. An automated street sweeper gnawed through the layer of trash that covered the sidewalk below him, leaving the damp slabs exposed to the acid-yellow lighting above him. Frank waited until the street sweeper had passed and its cameras were out of range before hefting the body over the balcony railing. It landed on its head. A pair of plus-sized underwear dislodged themselves from a makeshift clothes line behind him and spiraled down after the dead man.

Frank went back inside. Boss was reloading his guns. Frank didn't see the card on the ground. Behind Boss, on the filthy kitchen worktop, was a console, weakly flashing in red and green numbers Frank couldn't decipher.

"What next, boss?" Frank's Second Directive wanted orders. Boss holstered one of his guns and kept the other loose in one hand.

"Clean."

Frank looked around. There was a lot to do. He saw a half-eaten cup of instant ramen next to the console. He gingerly picked it up and put it in the trash. He did the same for a cup of cold coffee. He rolled up the bloodstained rug and managed, with some difficulty, to feed it into the incinerator chute. He cleaned the spray of blood from the cabinets. He saw the console's lights turn off and closed the lid on the old laptop device.

He was done. He looked around.

"What now, boss?" Frank already knew the answer.

Boss nodded.

"Thank you for your service. Sleep mode."

As Frank powered down, he thought, not for the first time, that Mr Stone was the best owner a bioroid could hope to have.

---

Smoke logged into chat
PunkRokka: eyy baby girl you heard the news?
Smoke: Should I?
G13ST: Whizzard bit the dust, his console went dark fifteen hours ago
Smoke: I don't know who that is.
PunkRokka: yo show some respect, whizz was old skool
G13ST: Cops found his body outside, said he'd topped himself. Obvious horseshit.
PunkRokka: yeah whizz was fucked up but he wasn't suicidal
G13ST: What was that about respect?
PunkRokka: look he was into weird shit is all I'm saying
Smoke: So who did it?
PunkRokka: big w duh
Smoke: Oh boy, what did he do?
PunkRokka: oh man bbgurl sit ur ass down for this one
G13ST: He went on a run last week. Full immsim out into Gagarin remote servers. Came back with a file saying he was tagged and he couldn't figure out what he'd found
G13ST: Guess he didn't manage to shake the cleaners this time
Smoke: NBN scrambler? Did he have a misdirection module?
PunkRokka: Lol nobody uses big brother tech since they downsized, nobody trusts their baby bitch ice anymore
G13ST: He says he didn't know what tagged him but for a moment his connection was hijacked and he couldn't jack out, might be something new W's trying
G13ST: Anyway he said the files were in code or something, something about dimensional travel or some shit.
PunkRokka: yeah he figured it was a reference to some nerd show he liked
Smoke: Hmm.
Smoke: You still have the file?
G13ST: Well I couldn't sell it on, it seems pretty worthless and if it's a hot potato I don't want more clean ups on my hands
Smoke: Bounce it to me. I can take care of it.
G13ST: Hey, your loss
PunkRokka: oh shit bb what u gonna do?
Smoke: I know a girl who knows a girl.
Smoke: Sit tight, fellas.
Smoke logged out of chat

Friday, 22 December 2017

Christmas Episode

“Oh, wow, it’s the Kobbers!”

The four men turned around. They didn’t resemble the heroes of the planet - tall men in black clothing tended not to feature amongst the group. But if you took one of them and melted them in the microwave, the cheap plastic masks over the group’s faces were close enough.

Leaning against the wall of the bank and peering through the goggles of his Rider suit, Vince took a moment to plan his next quip. They’d ripped open an ATM in the foyer - probably not brave or smart enough to try the vault. He’d seen them rattling around through the glass windows and gone to investigate, as was his duty or something. He noted the flowing metal around the hole where the ATM had been.

His entrance was kind of ruined by the fact his Rider suit was neon pink and sported spikey plastic hair, but hey. The classics worked.

“Carol? What are you doing around here?” He pointed a gloved finger at a man wearing a loose approximation of the redhead’s face. “I thought you were on vacation?”

Not Carol pointed a shotgun at him. Whoops. Vince dived, his Driver blaring a cartoon jump sound as he fell to his right. He felt the boom of the gun more than he heard it. He rolled back to his feet behind a desk and grabbed a potted plant on it before hurling it at Not Carol. It smashed satisfyingly on his target’s head.

The other three were moving. One, pretending to be a very sad-looking Airman, was charging across the foyer of the bank at him. Vince vaulted over the desk and lashed a sneaker-clad foot out, hitting the man in the temple and leaving him motionless on the tile. One down.

He raised a foot to move forwards, and left his stomach lurch as he kept rising. A third guy, wearing a face of some janitor guy he’d only read about in the comics, was holding a device that resembled a metal cylinder with blue lines scribbled over it. The business end was pointed at Vince. He flailed in the air.

“Dawn’s gonna sue you for using that,” he gasped, and scrabbled at his belt for another cartridge. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carol Man pulling the gun up to him. He managed to grab a cart and slam it into his belt.

“LEVEL UP!”

Vince twisted his upper body to the left as the belt spat a flat, shimmering screen into reality in front of him. The boom of the shotgun was dulled as its payload fizzled against the impromptu barrier. It crashed into the shotgun dude and hurled him backwards. Two down - probably.

“PAC-PAC-PAC-MAN!”

Oh, good. Vince let the screen wash back over him, cladding him in yellow and red. He was still suspended in the air though, and he couldn’t see the fourth guy. Who probably also had a gun.

Shit. He was never any good at Pac-Man.

“C’mon, guys,” he yelled at nobody in particular, and felt himself yanked downwards to hit the tile. They wouldn’t breach his Rider armor, but his breath left his lungs anyway.

“Where’s your -” Slam.

“Christmas -” Slam.

“Oh, forget it,” Vince wheezed, and yanked the Pac-Man cart from his belt. He shoved it into the holster on his hip.

“PAC-CRITICAL STRIKE!”

Vince promptly turned into a neon yellow ball. Pac-Man had one rule - you had to keep moving, like a pizza-shaped shark. As the ball rocketed upwards, chomping at the air, the man holding him yelled. Vince could feel his foe’s weight being dragged with him as he headed for the roof -

And burst right through. The man holding onto him screamed.

“Oh shit.” Inside the yellow sphere, Vince yanked the cart from the holster. Turning back into his usual neon pink self, he fell, willing game physics to accelerate him, and caught the flailing robber. Both of them burst through the rubble and smoke of their recent exit, Vince just managing to land on his feet.

Then he rabbit-punched the robber in the head and dropped him on the floor. Three down. Why hadn’t this doofus just let go of the -

“Freeze!”

That was a big gun. Judging by the orange glow, they’d used it to crack open the ATM. The fourth man, in the cruelest of ironies, had a Kamen Rider Hime mask on. He was back by the front door of the bank - too much distance for Vince to cross without becoming fried Rider.

“Uh, sure.” Vince raised his hands. Man, Lady Luck was mean some days. He watched the man reach for a duffel bag half-filled with dollar bills, the gun still trained on him -

His driver whirred. A brown block of bricks, three feet each side, materialised into the air between him and Not Hime.

“Thank you, Jesus,” Vince yelped, and dived forward and down. He felt the red hot lance spear over his back, smashing the block into pixels. He felt the magnetic pull of something being drawn to him.

“CHRISTMAS!”

When Vince stood back up, he had a Santa hat and beard on over his helmet. The final robber stared at him.

“Ho ho ho,” Vince deadpanned, and headbutted the man.

Four down. No more movement. Probably a silent alarm, though. He’d have to stick around, make sure he hadn’t killed anyone accidentally (a feat he hadn’t accomplished yet), and then let the police handle the rest. And pay for damages. How much did replacing a roof cost?

Vince glanced down at his belt.

“I didn’t know you had a holiday setting,” he said. The belt, being a hunk of neon green plastic that warped reality, didn’t respond. Vince sighed.

He could think about other things now.

“I wonder what Koakuma got me,” he muttered aloud, and went to check Not Airman’s pulse.

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Update

You may have noticed a bunch of stuff vanishing from this blog. A lot of posts and writing on here no longer reflects who I am and how I view the world.

God, I was a tit back then.

This blog will be just for any writing I feel like sharing. I've pulled a lot of things down and will reupload them over time depending on how I feel about them. Some may never return. Hopefully, new stuff will pop up on here as well.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Chastity & Toinette Finale

(Huge thanks to Brinehammer for his guest appearance, and to Cornwind Evil for helping make this happen!)

“Hey Toinette, are you like me, getting bored with relaxation after a time?”

Toinette looked at Chastity like she'd asked her what the orbital velocity of the moon was.

“...No. Why, you got, like, an adventure lined up or something?”

“Not YET...but I get antsy eventually. I think it’s some holdover from the Twilight...the war I survived.” Always clarifying.

Toinette deigned not to ask. “Well, if you wanna do something that ain't just messing around, what DO you wanna do?”

---

How high up were they? Forty feet?

“Hope your balance is good.” Chastity settled down on her perch, which began to wobble under her feet. Unstable ground, a long fall into...that jelly stuff that Chastity had talked about during kite racing...and a padded staff. If Toinette had ever watched American Gladiators, she might be humming the theme. Instead she was trying to keep herself from plummeting off the high point before anyone even threw a ‘punch’.

“Uh, yeah! It's the best!” Toinette hoped her lie would hold. She gripped her staff tightly and settled into what she hoped was a good stance.

“Alright, cupcake,” she said with more bravado than she felt. “You're going dooooown!”

This turned out to be true, eventually. Chastity had seen Toinette fight, but only with weapons she'd been loaned and in a clumsy manner. When, after five minutes of frantic combat, Toinette turned a sweeping strike into a feint and a jab to the side that sent the taller woman tumbling off the edge, she learned two things - that Toinette was more familiar with staffs, and that the jelly was a pretty great landing spot.

“Ding ding ding! Victoryyy!” Toinette flailed her arms around in triumph.

“Be careful you don’t fall off!”

Toinette fell off.

“Rats,” she said, wobbling around in the jelly.

“Did...you just forget you have wings?”

“...No. I promise.”

----

“...If that didn’t work...I really have no idea how to contact her.”

Toinette didn’t know Ash Marsello. If she had any knowledge, it was of the most vague details: he had hung around the Kobbers a few times. And she’d been wholly separate from the Aggie troubles, so she had no concerns about blurting something out that could cause a paradox. So, as far as she knew, Ash was some guy Chastity knew, and his baby daughter had brown hair when he and his wife had blonde.

Was she smart enough to not comment on that, as Chastity talked with Ash about trying to get Toinette home, and Christine watched from nearby, reading to Athena.

She was. But she made a mental note of it. For later.

“Well, I could find my way home via just randomly trying everything, but I WILL end up dead.” She folded her arms. “So, we need something to start with.”

“Could go to Oriam, try out their still-experimental teleportation tech. That’s how Chris and I ended up on Porphyrion for the first time.”

“She could try a Knocker first, maybe?” Christine said.

“I don’t have any Knockers.” Chastity said.

“Yeah, we’re currently lacking Knockers as...go ahead young lady, you can start laughing.” Christine said, glancing at Toinette.

“What, who's laughing? Not me. I’m the most serious. Nothing here to laugh at.”

Toinette held it in for a second, then gave up.

“Sorry, sorry,” she managed, once she was done. “So what’re these Knocker things?”

“Momos Steps, they’re actually called. Short range translocation magical devices. They’re called Knockers because the main way to activate them is to slam them against something. But after Xaxargas died, they became a lot more finicky, so they’re a lot harder to find. Unless you go see Angie.”

“Ugh. That’ll take weeks.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re on a clock.”

“Yeah, I got time to spare. Do you guys got the time? And how much of a trek is it?”

“If you just walk it will take about….fifty days I think?” Ash said.

“Cut off maybe two weeks on horseback.”

“And no airship on this part of the continent will fly that way. Because before they get there, there’s Megan’s Woe, and no one goes anywhere near Megan’s Woe. Including airships. They crash. And you’d be hard pressed to find someone who would fly the OTHER way around, even if you offered a lot of money.” Ash said.

“Megan’s Woe is where a big ass magic battle took place. It’s turned the area...rotten. Bad bad stuff happens there. No one goes in if they can avoid it. Too many who do never come out.” Chastity said to the fae. “That includes us.”

“The last time a Kobber went into the Woe, he got infected with a copy of the worst monster that ever stalked my world and he brought it back to Vegas where...shit happened.”

“Ash, language.”

“Athena can’t understand me.”

Christine gave her husband A Look.

“...stay away from Megan’s Woe, is what I’m saying.”

“...Got it.” Toinette shrugged. “Sooo, on horse, then. Dunno if I can do that for so long. Horses don't like me very much. They remember.”

“Remember what?” Ash and Chastity said almost in unison.

“What the Fae did to them.”

Toinette looked at the stunned faces.

“...Do you want any exposition, or are y’all good?”

“Oh no. THIS I have to hear.” Ash said.

----

“Well, great.” Chastity said. “SOMEONE has a sense of humor.”

Toinette had picked up a few details of how magic worked in Chastity’s world. The bad, BAD way was called ‘The Waste’. The Waste dealt in plague, rot, horrors...and necromancy.

And this yahoo had managed to get his hands on a few thousand dead chickens.

Hey, quantity had a quality all its own.

“I’m never eating fried chicken ever again.” Toinette flicked her fingers and detonated the umpteenth squawking zombie bird. “Also, if you start making puns, I will forget where I’m aiming.”

“Who’s punning? I HATE zombie shit.” The reason became apparent: Chastity had ignited a few hundred of the birds...and they just kept coming, on fire, forcing her to break out the whip and start lashing like a maniac. “FIND THAT FUCKING DEAD RAISER!”

“Got it!” Toinette fluttered upwards, followed by a determined column of zombie chickens, and began scanning the oncoming horde.

“There he is. The only other thing taller than a foot.” She pointed at the man, who was a ways back, behind a tight-knit group of chickens. He was laughing, a lot.

“He’s having a lot of fun, anyway - ow!” Toinette kicked at a chicken that had briefly achieved the dream of flight in order to peck at her leg.

“What’s his damn problem?!”

“Someone stole his spices recipe. Or he never got laid. One of the two.”

“Tell him he has ten seconds to give up or I will find something exceptionally painful to do to his cock!”

“...do you mean those roosters or…”

“RARGH!” Chastity REALLY hated undead.

“Okay.” Toinette flew closer. “YO, BOZO! CALL OFF YOUR BIRDS OR MY GIRL HERE’S GONNA MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE EVEN MORE NON-EXISTENT!”

The response was chickens. These ones throbbing with disgusting pustules.

The torrents of blackish green goo they exploded into probably would have sickened a normal person. All it did was make Toinette feel really, REALLY grody.

“OKAY, NOW YOU’RE PROJECTING.” Toinette turned back to Chastity. “He says no.”

“HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS! TOWARDS HIM!”

Toinette did so.

Chastity let out a weird hissing noise...and then fire shot from Toinette’s hands. Chastity’s fire, setting the chickenmancer alight.

He did a comical dance, all the chickens falling down dead again, as Chastity walked over, waved her hand to put out the fire, and then kicked the man in the crotch so hard Toinette was surprised his balls didn’t fly out of the top of his head, before she spun and kicked his block off before he could really agonize over his heavily slammed manhood.

“Children shouldn’t play with dead things.”

“Gross.” Toinette poked a dead chicken with her foot. “Guess you wouldn’t wanna pay a visit to Rahitehp at any point, huh.”

She regarded the dead chicken.

“Nope. Still never eating chicken again.”

----

The town of Cross’See. Population: 24,000 crammed into a space that, on the surface, could comfortably house half that. But looks were deceiving.

For the first time that Toinette could remember, Chastity was putting clothes ON.

In the sense of ‘instead of walking around leaving nothing to the imagination, she was instead trying to cover up’. It turned out she had armor that did that. Nothing really sexual about this one.

Though Toinette envied her heat controlling abilities. Down here, in these cramped subterranean caves, filled with men, cooking fires, forges, and eagerness, the place was utterly sweltering. That was how the population lived there: ⅓ up on the surface, the rest underground. Normally, Chastity said, it WOULD be somewhat cooler...if everyone wasn’t exerting themselves and stoking a thousand fires.

Chastity, it seemed, had left a case here with said armor. High leather boots, no heels. Shin armor. Knee armor. A sort of skirt of dense fur to cover thighs and buttocks. Vest. Arm braces. Gloves. A covering overgarment that was part coat and part cloak. Chastity began doing her hair up in a tight band behind her, whistling the tune that was floating around the caverns.

“You don’t have to participate, Nette. Rows aren’t for everyone.”

“Nah, I’m down.” Toinette looked around. “So, what’s this about?”

“You want the long answer or the short answer?”

Chastity was leaving her swords behind. And her whip. Instead, she’d selected two long metal pipes studded with holes. Like she was going to go to battle with flutes.

“Short, please.”

“Law and order is a bit stretched in these parts, so the higher ups let the criminals keep their own order as long as they don’t do this and that bad stuff. But sometimes you get two groups both wanting the whole pie, so both all gather up and trash each other until one side’s broken. We’re on Side A, the Bleeding Wires side. And friends.”

“Gang war? Why didn't yah just say?” Toinette stretched, limbering up. “Me and Julius always had to fight off the Flatcap Kids on Backturn Street back in the day. I'm pretty good at this stuff. I think.”

“Then yeah, we’re doing that, except with a few hundred people on each side. Bare hands, bats, clubs, brass knuckles...bladed weapons are frowned on unless you have claws. You aren’t supposed to kill whoever you’re cracking heads with, but no one will complain if you do. Me…”

Chastity pressed her thumbs against her pipes, and steam shot through the holes.

“I like my own version of hot potato.”

“Nice.”Toinette​ made a mental note to try and not kill anyone.

“The other side is the Condemned. Don’t call them the Condiments, they hate that.” Chastity said, her tone clear what she really meant. Slipping on a leather helmet and strapping a face mask over it, she did up one final strap and began walking, picking up the pace to join a small group of men and women who were already heading in a certain direction. Out, Toinette assumed.

“Don’t give me that power. I’m gonna call them that all the time now!” With a blur of wings, Toinette lifted a few inches into the air and followed Chastity. “You’ve fucked up now. That’s all I’m gonna be thinking about.”

She waved at the group. “Hi!”

She got a few returned greetings and some nods. Very focused, this bunch. Focused and intense. The drums and flutes were getting louder, and the group was getting larger. Like those old war marches, where the front lines included some poor dumb kid banging on a drum and hoping not to catch a cannonball to the face.

“...Chas?”

“Mmmm hmmm?”

“When I said gang war, I didn’t think it’d be this literal.” Toinette nervously looked around for any sign she’d been accidentally drafted into the military.

“Like I said. Not for everyone. No one will think different if you stand aside. This is an army of the willing.”

“And why are you doing it?”

“Because the Wires don’t traffic.”

“Okay, no, yep, that’s good enough.” Toinette’s fingers crackled. “Let’s wreck them!”

The way the group parted, it was pretty clear that the man and woman that walked through them were the leaders. The woman had a club that was as big as she was; it was either much lighter than it looked, or she was a lot stronger. The man, on the other hand, had a classic morning star. Several people who didn’t join the group nodded or gave various members tokens and trinkets as they walked on, heading upward.

When they finally came to the door, having ascended into what seemed to be a large tanning shop, Toinette found another familiar face who she hadn’t seen in some time. Purr, the Skin Weaver who had been of help dealing with the Ithaqua. He was an odd contrast: his pose casual, but his eyes intense and verging on hateful. Not quite there, but it was clear he wasn’t exactly happy.

“...Pervon’tl.” The female leader said. Her voice sounded like she’d spent much of her childhood smoking, or getting punched in the throat. “You here to cause trouble or be with us?”

“Your Wires killed my kin.”

“That we did, but twas’ nothing personal. Y’know full well what th’Condemned think. If thae enemy of my enemy is my friend, then what do you with an enemy and a worse enemy?”

Purr snorted, and he suddenly seemed even bigger and more menacing.

“Tomorrow’s another day, man of beasts. But today, our things, their things, you wit’ us?”

“...Aye.”

Purr reached up behind his head and yanked a hood over it...no, not a hood. It looked like he’d killed a bear and turned its head into a headdress, black lengths of fur sealing it onto his head, as he picked up what looked like a whole bear’s arm, reduced to the skeleton, the bones reinforced with rock and the claws glinting in the flickering firelight.

“For today.”

And so Purr kicked the door open, and as light flooded the inside of the building, the army marched out.

----

Oriam.

“Toinette, this is a bad idea.”

It was ten days later, and the pair still had a lot of bumps and bruises to show from the row. As it turned out, Toinette was rusty, and Chastity wasn’t quite as good in a fight where she couldn’t set anything she wanted on fire. Still, they’d come out of it a lot better than a lot of others. At least no one had literally used them as a club, as Purr had done to some person he recognized who he had turned out to be really, really mad at.

So now they were in a much nicer place: Oriam, the last major stop before getting around Megan’s Woe, and the most high tech city on Chastity’s world. And it turned out they were having some sort of inventing fair.

Great for looking at fancy doodads, many of which Toinette considered alternate uses for.

But Chastity drew the line at testing a short range teleportation machine. Toinette, however, was eagerly erasing that line.

“Look, you can back out if you want.” Toinette was staring at the teleporter as if it was made out of pure gold. “But I gotta know. There’s a whole buncha philosophical questions I gotta know. Is this the kind that might, technically, kill you and reassemble you at the other end, so you technically die? What happens when a Fae gets teleported? Will I see weird shit in between the teleports?”

Toinette turned to Chastity and struck a heroic pose.

“I gotta know. For science.”

A pause.

“Also it might send me home. That’s pretty important. Really important.”

“Yeah, or it might do all sorts of OTHER things. I can’t stop you, but you need to think of that.”

“I’ll live, I’m sure. And if I don’t, well, nice knowing ya. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Toinette headed to the machine. “‘Scuse me, mister? I wanna volunteer for the teleportation demonstration stuff!”

“CERTAINLY!” Whether the man had actually had something in the machine’s development or he was the front man for a ringmaster-esque routine, he was a pretty good showman, making a big deal of what the machine would do. Chastity stayed back, her arms crossed, her face neutral. Well, the guy seemed confident, that was a good sign right?

“AND THEN, I PUSH THE BUTTON, AND…..!”

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

---
She floated through starlight, surrounded by plants of shimmering silver. They accused her with scarlet flowers, forming a tunnel of bloodshot eyes as she hurtled though them.

“Come home, child.”

Something was behind her, she knew what it was but she dare not look. The plants opened out a little, but she saw the void beyond, nothingness. No friends. Nobody to help her. Alone again.

“We miss you.”

Something grabbed her, arms of wood with fingers that bit like teeth. Faces laughed with poison smiles from the foliage. They forced her to turn around.

“I miss you,” said her mother, and stabbed her.

---

Toinette gasped as she emerged at the other end, and a hand flew up to -

No wound. Of course not. She desperately scanned the amazed, applauding crowd for Chastity.

Oh, there she was. In mid-threaten of the ringmaster man, though once Toinette re-appeared she stopped. Looking relieved, she darted over to the other transporter.

“You all right?”

Toinette took a gulp of air and shook her head.

“Away, please. Fast.” She talked like she’d run a marathon.

“Something coming out after you?” One hand grabbing hers, yanking her from the platform, the other drawing a blade, fire igniting on it.

“Maybe. Don’t know. Leave, please?”

“...I can have three members of my circle here in an hour. Give me four I can have a dozen. And if we need more to kill it, I’ll get them.”

“They’d die.” Toinette shook her head again. “Look, just, we need to go, okay? Right now.”

“We killed a god.” Chastity said, though she extinguished her sword and began moving away as requested, watching the machines, clearly trying to decide if she should blow them up just to be sure.

“So’s anyone who’s worth their salt!” Toinette grabbed Chastity’s hand and yanked her along. “Where’s the nearest horse?”

---

It was probably that rapid semi-fleeing that had landed them here.

The plan had been to go around Megan’s Woe. And they were. But Toinette had been in such a hurry that she had activated some sort of innate Fae GPS and was taking the shortest route, which was making them skirt a lot closer to the tainted area then Chastity cared for. Toinette didn’t blame her. Even with her recent ‘concerns’, she wouldn’t have wanted to go near the place. Even a few miles away, she could feel the permanent damage wrought on the area, a sour taste on her tongue and a constant feeling that her bladder was full and needed release. Whoever had danced there had stepped so hard their footprints would never come out. The world could turn to dust, and the remnants would remain, the wound that would not heal.

That, and black clouds were rolling in. It would soon be pouring rain and all around them was just rocky outcroppings and scrub-bush. And neither of them had brought an umbrella, though Chastity did have the foresight during their Oriam leaving to pack up a massive backpack full of all sorts of things. Worst came to worst they could set up a tent, though doing so in a downpour probably wouldn’t be much fun.

“Dare you enter my magical realm,” muttered Toinette, looking over the ruined landscape.

There was a short pause, in which Chastity didn’t quiz her about the really bad joke she’d made.

“...Do you want an explanation for all that?”

“I know what happened to Megan’s Woe.” Chastity said, in a clear ‘I know you weren’t talking about that but this will give you an opening.’ tone.

“No, I meant - “ Toinette sighed. “The teleporter stuff.”

“Must have been pretty bad if you think it would kill me and my friends.”

“Yeah, well.” Toinette looked straight ahead. “Um, how am I gonna put this without sounding… Shit, whatever. I saw my mom in there.”

She looked down. “We have a real bad family arrangement.”

“So I could guess. What does she want and why, and why can’t I just turn her into a candle?”

Toinette thought for a moment.

“Did you ever have a favourite toy when you were a kid?”

“No. But let’s say yes.”

“Okay. You had a favourite toy, and if it broke, or if it got taken away from you, you cried about it. That’s it. That’s all there is to what… this is. Fae don’t see people as people. And they have hundreds of kids. They’re like butterflies that figured out how to walk on two legs and make fire and murder. And I left and my mom wants me to come back because I’m her favourite daughter and that’s all there is to it.”

Toinette looked down. “I mean, she’s the queen of the Fae. I belong to her, in her head. So, uh, you’d probably be super dead if you tried to turn her into a candle.”

“So she can do what you can do. Except bigger.”

“Basically. The only reason she doesn’t try anything is because of my dad. He’s always been… nice, I guess. For a Fae.”

“...and what happens if something happens to him?”

“Well, your world is overrun with people who think humans are a weird kind of rabbit, for a start. That’s why I left so fast. She saw me. She has an idea of where I am. She won’t do any of that because she loves my dad more than she wants to hurt me, but if he goes…”

Toinette looked smaller by the second.

Rain started to spatter on the rocks around them. Chastity closed her eyes, thinking, before she drew one of her swords.

“...That’s not something you should have to share with just anyone.” Chastity said. “...When we met, you couldn’t believe my name. Do you want to know why now? That I have this name, and keep it?”

“Yes please.”

Chastity seemed to be pondering the nature of her blade, before she used it to tap Toinette on the shoulder.

“My father-”

The lightning broke from the distant black cloud, the dagger of the heavens aiming straight for the gleaming metal of the sword, and then Toinette found her world exploding into light and motion.

----

Toinette woke up.

She was in… in bed? In the hotel room?

What the fuck?

She looked around. Yep, same decor as always. Same attempt to be generically cosy.

“Rory/” She called out, tentatively.

“Mmmm?” Asked the girl sleeping next to her, raising her frizzy head and looking around. “Whuzzit? Something amatter?”

Toinette blinked.

“...What day is it?” It seemed like the question that’d draw the least suspicion.

“I dunno. Thursday, I think?” A hand darted out and grabbed the clock off the nightstand to check. “Yeah, thought so. We hit the bar pretty hard…”

Toinette did some mental maths.

“Cool. Uh, did you notice anything… weird? Weirder than usual.” She managed to sit up and gave Rory a smile.

“What, here in the tropics with a Fae? No, noth-” she paused, blinked, and then her brow drew down; Rory sat up sharply and frowned at the wall. “The bartender stole my five dollars!... Actually, maybe not. But no, why?”

“Just making sure everything went okay!” Toinette leaned over and gave Rory a peck on the cheek. “Also, he probably took your five dollars because it was shots night.”

“Yeah, probably had something to do with it… You want to get up, or sleep till Friday?” Rory asked, smiling at her.

“I’m gonna get up.” Toinette stretched. “I need a shower anyway. I feel gross.”

The Fae began to doubt herself as she headed for the shower room. Perhaps it been all a dream...

The sound of pouring water and a room full of steam greeted her. Someone was already in the shower. But if Rory was in bed...

The soap and shampoo did not act like the movies, in that they didn’t cover anything as Chastity wiped soap from her eyes, water running down her form.

“I TOLD you getting near Megan’s Woe was problematic.”

Toinette stared.

“Oh, fuck.”

THE END

THE BEGINNING.