“OUR BOND WILL SIMPLY DEVOUR YOU! YOUR GLORY JOINED TO OURS, YOUR SCREAMS AND BONES OUR MEAT AND WINE!” Well, that was technically what High Priest Wormman said: between his deformed mouth and all the noise from the burning room, Toinette couldn’t make out any actual details. But she knew tones and this was about as hostile a tone as one could get.
“Uuuuhhhh…”
Toinette raised her hands in the air.
“All hail mighty Nidhogg? Glory be? Worms for all?”
It didn’t work. He headbutted her so hard she flew through two different walls.
At least, thought Toinette from underneath a pile of wood and bone, she didn’t have any bones. Technically.
Guess I gotta fight this giant penis now, she thought, dragging herself out from under the debris. There was a pain in her torso - multiple sharp objects had managed to stab her, leaking out blue starstuff that was even now dissolving the invasive bodies. But it still hurt. A lot. And there were footsteps and a lot of smashing sounds indicating that High Lord Dongerson was chasing after her.
Boy, some backup would be really good right now.
...Nope. No backup.
Just a giant fanged maw biting deep into her shoulder and neck.
Good ol’ necklaces. This would have been IMMENSELY messy without them. Instead, it just hurt. A lot. Toinette responded with a shriek and hurling starfire behind herself, hoping to do some kind of damage to her attacker.
...Gulk had endured it. High Grand Poobah Dingdong did as well, before whipping his head to the side and smashing her into a wall, and then down on the ground, before raising a now clawed foot to stomp on the fae.
Toinette, thankfully, managed to roll out of the way. Yeah, she couldn’t take this dude. Not in a month of Mondays. Not without Julius or Rory to back her up.
She decided to pick herself up and run like hell.
So she did.
After a few seconds of running, she realized she’d left Chastity’s weapons behind.
SHE’D GO WEAPON SHOPPING GO GO!
A slight break. The mass of the mutation that Supreme Dangler made him awkward and not able to turn corners well, and his roars grew fainter as Toinette ran.
...now what?
Find Chastity, that's what.
...now how in the hell could she get back to that room? She had been pretty much already lost and now she’d gone through a few ‘shortcuts’ to further turn her around.
Toinette was beginning to hate both her internal narrator and her lack of sense of direction.
Well, there was always sniffing for magic. Maybe Chas had her own smell, if she could pick it out amongst the rank odor of murder worms. It wasn't socially acceptable, but she was being chased by a giant dong. It was probably fine.
Focus, C’mon now, where you at?
Well, that wretched smell was likely President Prick. Under that lesser foul smells and…
Cinnamon?
Well, that narrowed things down a lot!
Toinette immediately headed in the direction of that sweet cinnamon smell. The sound of her enemy was still behind her, but she had a focus...find Chastity, she’d know what to do, she could handle this, she…
...was gone.
Toinette recognized the room as she flew into it. But it was now empty.
Chastity was gone, as were Karmilla and Amber.
She hadn’t stood her ground. She’d…
Left? Fled? Taken the two to safety?
Used Toinette as a distraction and beat it?
...she hadn’t listened. She’d gone out (and stolen her outfit too!). She’d gotten involved in the worm mess and made Chastity’s job harder. If she’d stayed in place, she’d have been bored instead of the several dozen other bad things that had happened tonight. And now it seemed like Chastity had decided she just wasn’t worth the trouble.
Toinette tried to stop herself hyperventilating. She failed.
She was dead. She'd fucked up and now she was fucking dead.
She could hear the worm behind her.
God, Rory. All of this shit and she hadn't spared a thought for Rory.
Well, if she was truly abandoned…
Toinette let the Fae out. Starlight filled the room as she shifted and turned to face her tormenter.
Then she wasn't gonna go to the darkness alone. Priest Penis was coming with her.
“...I sure hope you don’t do everything this fast.”
Toinette hadn’t noticed the altar had been moved. Moved over near the wall and overturned, with the blanket semi laid over it. She’d just seen an empty room. And even if Chastity hadn’t been watching, she would have seen the starlight through the darn thing.
She stepped up right behind the Fae, poking her head around her as the priest exploded through a wall. She wrinkled her nose.
“Hi. Still here. Man, he’s pissed. Thanks for doing all the hard work. Can you work with me here?”
“Hbuwh? Uh, um, sure!” It was very weird to see an eight foot tall being made out of stars babbling.
“Can y’shrink back down? Fast now.”
The priest shrieked, and a sizzling ball of acid flew from his maw, flying at the pair like a bullet.
Chastity’s eyes flashed, and said ball of liquid exploded, splattering the hallway with fiery ichor.
“Acid, always acid. Acid’s flammable, douchebag.”
Toinette, who had shrunk down, grinned and lit fire from her fingers.
“Looks like the next steps’ obvious, then.”
“Almost.”
Master Bates bellowed and charged. About 25 feet of distance.
Chastity slipped right up against Toinette’s back, reaching over and lifting her hand.
“On three...do what comes naturally t’you.”
“What, flirt? Kidding, kidding. I'm ready!”
“One two, fuck you, three.”
Chastity blasted fire from her hand. Toinette did it in her own way. The fire intertwined and smashed into the high priest.
He became engulfed in raging black and purple fire.
And kept coming. Screaming. Charging, his slamming footsteps shaking the ground.
“He’s not stopping.”
“Wait for it…”
“HE’S NOT STOPPING.”
“Wait for itttttttt…”
Toinette could see right down the bastard thing’s horrific gullet.
Then Chastity yanked her aside.
The Lambton exploded into the room. Had the altar still been in its original position, he would have smashed into it. But, with it pushed aside, there was nothing to stop him.
Except the dirt wall Karmilla had been chained to. And as it turned out, THAT didn’t stop him either.
Blazing with terrible fire, the Lambton crashed into the wall and kept going, momentum and starfire fueled otherfire turning him into something akin to a superheated drill, the Lambton priest burning through the packed dirt like it was cotton candy, continuing on through the wall and into the ground beyond.
“...Wow.”
Toinette turned to Chastity and grinned.
“That was awesome!”
“Wait for iiiiiitttttttt....”
Even Baron Von Absolutelynosubtlety couldn’t keep going: he was facing countless tons of packed dirt, and he swiftly lost. But he managed to burn his way through about ten feet of it, forming a crude tunnel and…
How could Toinette see? Because the fire had broken off of him. It was now burning on the sides of the barely functioning walls.
“Guess they lied.”
“Huh?”
“The worm can’t turn.” Chastity said, and put her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss.
The fireballs exploded, and the Lambton screamed as the tunnel he had made swiftly returned to being packed dirt. With him inside it.
He lost, again, the monster crushed and buried under the countless pounds of soil and rock, a blast of hot air erupting from the hole before dirt erupted out and destroyed it as swiftly as it had been formed.
“...huh.”
Toinette was aware of a clattering, and then Chastity’s sword returned to her hand, her whip rolling along the ground like a tumbleweed as she also finished recalling it.
“...Thanks, Toinette. Couldn’t have done that without you. Really. Was running on fumes...might not have had enough kick if it had just been me. Buttttt...one more thing.”
The dust was clearing.
The priest’s ‘head’ was just barely poking out of the mess of dirt that had crushed the rest of him. The teeth were sort of clacking together, foul green blood spewing from the horrific mouth.
Chastity flipped her sword over and offered it to the fae.
“You want the honors?”
“Sweet.” Toinette took the sword, and lopped the head off without much ceremony. This time, he didn’t grow a new one.
“Boy,” she sighed, watching the blood spurt. “That felt good. Catharsis!”
“That was the leader? Any more, stragglers or anything?”
“Uh, nope. Burnt them all! Maybe that Gulk guy might show up again, but he was in two pieces last I checked, so he’s probably not gonna be too much trouble. I think that’s everyone!”
Toinette popped a hip and looked very proud of herself.
“Okay then. We should probably get out of the house before the fire you started collapses this mostly underground craphole onto us or makes us die from smoke.”
Karmilla and Amber were peering out from the blanket, looking mostly scared in a dull way.
“...we get them help, I know a proper clinic open during the day. Then I’mma send a bird...get someone else to handle the feuding crime shits now that I’ve shut down their string pullers. The Twins, maybe. Then I’m going to take a bath for about...ten years.”
“Bath. Bath sounds real good.” Toinette brushed an arm off, wiping at some mud that had dried on her arm. “Can I join youse?”
“Only if you agree to get clean before getting extraordinarily filthy.”
Toinette’s grin would have frightened a shark.
“Yesssssss. Agree. Very yes.”
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